Customs

08/07/2012

            Sitting in the Vancouver airport, I am getting ready for my first steps in the states in almost 3 years.  Tired but cant sleep, hungry but cant believe that a double whopper is $10.00 (Canadian, and I don’t know if that is more or less than a real dollar at the moment), I trying to see the differences.  And the first thing I see is its quieter.  I guess that hear, but everyone is in their own world.  Sitting with each other talking quietly or listening to music, its calm.  And fat.

            On the flight from Shanghai I watched a Canadian documentary about a man who spends his time watching grizzly bears.  At one point it showed several bears getting ready to retreat to their dens for the winter.  Fat to the point of bloated, they looked like a good fall and they might burst.  The weight is needed to survive months without eating.  Makes sense.  What I don’t understand is why so many women also appear to be preparing for winter hibernation, in the middle of summer.

            I know Chinese are smaller.  I have done enough debate classes quoting statistics on height and weight.  But after 3 years it would appear that everyone is sliding toward the plus side.  As I sit and write, the man sitting across from me is demonstrating the benefits of his girth, his stomach serves as a convenient table for his meal.  I guess the weight has its up-sides as well.  If American cultural exports and Chinese craving for all things western continue on their current path, maybe the Chinese can catch us in this metric as well.

            Wuhan Airport

            As I checked in for my flights in Wuhan (domestic, Wuhan to Shanghai) I was concerned they would give me a hassle over my baggage weight (46kg), but it wasn’t a problem.  I was worried (not really) that someone might notice the brownies in my bag had little something extra in them.  Instead the problem that I ran into (and there always has to be one) was with the knives in my checked luggage.

After checking bags and making through the security gates, I sat down to have some coffee and make use of the free Internet.  A few minutes later a security guard appeared with my bag asking if I had some knives inside and if he could see them.  After unpacking my bag I pulled out two large knives.  Apparently in Wuhan you cannot take knives on a plane, checked or otherwise.  Now I had to go to the security office.

One rule that has proved almost universally golden, make them operate in your language.  Even if you speak the language, I find that it puts you in better place if you make them speak English, but listen carefully.  So we started with the inevitable logic circle that always ends with “here is different”.  First it was “of course you cannot fly with these, what are you thinking?”

To which I responded, “the knives were bought in Nepal and flown with me back into China, so clearly it is possible to fly with them in checked luggage in China”.

“No, no, that can not be, you cannot fly with knives like this.”

“I cant take them on the plane, but it is possible to fly, as I have done it before.  Check the entry and exits on my passport, China-Nepal-China.  The knives were purchased in Nepal, how else would I have gotten them back?”

A few minutes of every security guard looking at the knives, taking them out of the scabbard (and not being able to put it back, each time I had to walk over and take it from them to put it back) and we arrived back at the beginning.  I started to get frustrated and asking them why Wuhan was so special that the rules were different here from other places.  This comment was translated to the group, there were about 8 guards in the room of which one or two spoke English.  But it was translated with some sarcasm, like “this foreigner says Wuhan is different from the rest of China…” at which point I cut her off and flipped into Chinese to make my point clear to the group.

“Clearly Wuhan is an exception, other cities have never given me a problem” said in Chinese.  At this point the group realized that I spoke Chinese and the side conversations quieted immediately.  Then came the completely useless options.

“Can I post them from here?”

“No, but you can call a friend to come to the airport to pick them up.”  That’s only a 200+RMB, 3-4 hour ordeal.  “You can take them home now,” flight leaves in 40 minutes. 

Finally, I gave up on trying to convince that it is legal to fly with pieces of shaped metal in your checked luggage and told them that I would be back at the airport in 3 weeks, could I pick them up on my return.  This was possible, although I am somewhat skeptical if they will still be there when I get back.  One of the things that concerned me was they kept referring to the knives as Minority Group Knives, or a knife that would belong to a minority, but the implication is a Chinese minority.  One, they were not purchased in China and two; in Nepal the people who use these are not the minority.  It’s the regional knife, their version of the machete.  Now I am wondering if someone is going to give me a headache about exporting Chinese cultural relics. 

The only rules in China I have found to apply universally are 1) logic does not apply, don’t bother trying to make a logic arguments, 2) its never their job and 3) the default is to do nothing, if you do nothing you cant be wrong.  And 4) its better to make an answer up that has no factual basis what so ever than admit that you don’t know.

With that framework in mind, it will be a miracle if the post office allows the knives to go into the mail.  After all, it’s dangerous to own knives.  And why would you want them anyway?